Your Questions...Our Answers

Why did we adopt?
The concept of adoption has always appealed to me. As a single woman, I often told friends that I would adopt if I remained single. Once Aaron and I married,having a biological child proved difficult, so I decided that it was far more important for me to become a mother than to become pregnant. I have never thought my DNA was so superior that I could not love a child who was not genetically related to me. After many conversations and prayers, Aaron and I said “No Thank You!” to further promising high tech fertility treatments and began focusing our attention on adopting. We were on our way to becoming a family of three!

Why Go to Africa? / Why not Domestic Adoption?
Learning about the current procedures and trends in private domestic adoptions left us feeling uncomfortable and ambivalent. We learned that in the foster care system’s adoption program, there is a 50% chance that the child could be returned to their mother or another relative, even if we had served as their foster parents. We didn’t like those odds. I’ve read and re-read the rationale behind procedures in both private and public domestic adoptions and know that they are suitable for many people. However, these procedures and arrangements were not a good fit for us. It should be emphasized that no method of adoption is risk free. I think that most people who have adopted a child would agree that adoption is not for the faint hearted!

There are those who feel that Americans should adopt “from their own back yard” while others hold a more global view that there are needy kids all over the world. In my opinion, a child born in the United States is no more deserving of a loving home than a child born in a third world country and vise versa. However, the poor living conditions in much of Africa (that some Americans can not even begin to adequately envision), severe limited government resources, poor health care, and the lack of accessible education to millions of children, played a major role in our decision to adopt from Africa. Most importantly, the notion of adopting an orphan took hold of my heart and would not let go. I have learned that when I follow my heart (with a sprinkle of good reasoning) and pay attention to “that inner voice” which I believe is God’s guidance, I will make the right decision. I just knew that all of my life experiences had led us to this specific adoption journey. Thank God we like to travel!

Why Ethiopia?
I hesitated to include this next section in my blog because it is quite personal. But aren’t most blogs personal? Well this blog is all about my thoughts and experiences, so here goes. (Besides, I can delete it at any time…even if countless people have already read it!)

During the time when our hearts began leaning toward adoption, my fertility specialist wanted to discuss “her plans” for my next treatment. During one of her medical explanations as to why my previous treatments had not been successful, I remember asking myself, “Do I interrupt her now or tell her later that Aaron and I have decided to adopt?” When I realized that I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, I heard her say, “I’d like you to consider using donor eggs. Although it usually takes longer to find a Black American donor, we could extend our search to an East African donor. Yes! Looking at Aaron’s and your physical features, extending our egg donor search to an East African donor would be a great option.” I immediately thought to myself, “Honey,I’ll go to East Africa and adopt a child before I put Aaron and me through more of this emotional turmoil!” Little did I know at the time that this flippant thought of mine would soon become our reality. Around this same time, I had numerous “chance” meetings with children and adults of East African descent.

Leave it to Oprah to air a show that would water a seed that had already been planted in my head! I happened to see an episode where Oprah featured remarkable children. There was a young school-aged girl who had been hit by a train in her Ethiopian village. A missionary worker had learned of this accident and arranged for her to come to America and live with a couple in an Atlanta suburb. As this couple accepted responsibility for the medical treatment for this beautiful, wounded girl, over the next few months they grew to love her. When the child’s elderly grandmother asked the couple to consider adopting her, they didn’t hesitate to start the procedures to raise this child as their own. Although this child had literally lost an arm and a leg in that tragic accident, she had a spirit and enthusiasm that warmed my soul. She joined her school’s swim team, was on the student council, and quickly mastered the English language. I couldn’t stop thinking about this little girl and the Atlanta family that adopted her. I actually tried to contact this family to tell them how moved I was by their story. I never caught up with them (which is probably a good thing because I might have come across as kind of strange), but I still have that Oprah episode saved on a dusty VCR tape. All of these direct and indirect encounters happened during the time when I was leaning in the direction of adopting from Ethiopia. Call it serendipity, call it a coincidence, or call it fate. I’m just glad I was present and tuned in!

We learned that Ethiopia has the most stable adoption program in Africa and that several agencies in the United States have been approved to facilitate adoptions from there. When I read about Ethiopia’s rich culture and history, and discovered that there are an estimated 4.5 million orphans, I became even more engrossed. The fact that Ethiopia is often called the Cradle of Humanity made me feel like I was going “home” to receive my child. The people of Ethiopia possess great pride in their country as well as both an inner and outer beauty. The more I read about how Ethiopians cherish their children and the relatively smooth and fast moving Ethiopian adoption program, I knew without a doubt that the child I had prayed for was there…halfway around the world. Ironically, I had often told Aaron that I thought he looked Ethiopian. Knowing that our future child would likely bear physical resemblance to one or both of us was simply icing on the cake. Wouldn’t you know that many have commented that our little Ethiopian princess resembles Aaron!

Why are there so many orphans in Ethiopia?
Ethiopia is a country that has been challenged by political turmoil, civil wars, diseases, droughts. As a result, there is great poverty there. Birth mothers or surviving relatives often make the difficult decision to relinquish their children because they simply can no longer provide basic needs such as food and clean water. Babies are sometimes found wrapped in warm blankets and abandoned near safe public spots like police posts, churches, or government buildings.

What happened to your child’s mother?
Aaron and I are aware and are comfortable with the details of our daughter being orphaned; however, we will be discreet about her history. Although our daughter’s past is not shameful, it is her story to know and understand. When she is older, she can determine if and with whom she wants to share her story.

Are the children available for adoption healthy? /Are you concerned about your child having HIV/AIDS?
The vast majority of Ethiopian children available for adoption are healthy. Common minor conditions include parasites or minor skin conditions that are easily treated in America. Some of the babies/children are malnourished when they enter the orphanages, but usually fully recover prior to being placed for adoption. There are other children with special needs that are available for adoption. Once again, many of these children need minor surgeries that are routinely done in America. Parents determine if they want a healthy child or what illnesses they are open to. Our child was considered healthy at time of referral and continues to get glowing medical reports.

Until recently, the Ethiopian government did not allow children with HIV/AIDS to be adopted. However, adoptive parents can now request a child with HIV/AIDS and other chronic conditions (and many have). There are orphanages that specifically house children who have tested positive for HIV/AIDS. The children are tested several times for infectious diseases before being allowed to leave Ethiopia. Although AIDS has resulted in many orphans in Ethiopia, it may be surprising to learn that when compared to other African countries, the number of HIV/AIDS cases in Ethiopia is significantly lower.

How are you matched with a child?
After one’s dossier and other paper work is completed and accepted, you are presented with information on a child and the child’s picture (a referral). In most cases, a staff member of your adoption agency matches you with a child based on your pre-determined criteria such as age, gender, number of children, and medical conditions you are open to. However, one can select a specific child from an agency’s “Waiting Children’s List”. Waiting children are often older children, children with special needs, or sibling groups. It is typical to hear adoptive parents comment that they were matched with “the perfect” child for their family. We know that Addison’s placement with our family was God’s perfect planning!

Will you tell your daughter that she was adopted?
ABSOLUTELY!!! (In 2007, I still can’t believe I’ve been asked this) There is no shame in being adopted. My child will know from a very early age the story of how she became an Earley!

What is the process to adopt from Ethiopia?
Please refer to Our Adoption Timeline for a look at all of the necessary steps to adopt from Ethiopia.


Will you and Aaron adopt again?
TBD! For right now, we are happy and busy caring for our daughter. We will let you know if we decide to go down this road (or another adoption road) again. No pressure please!